What’s the conversation you’ve been avoiding?
When relationships go sour, whether it’s an intimate relationship or family or with potential client or in an organization, chances are there’s a conversation you’re not having. (And chances you instantly knew which conversation that was as soon as I asked!) Which is why I often ask this question in initial coaching conversations when someone is struggling with a relationship, executive, or leadership issue.
We often focus on the ups and downs of the actions we take, because they’re a lot more tangible and measurable than actions we don’t take, the things that don’t happen. But all those things we don’t do are really just as relevant as what we do do!
How many days, months, years, maybe decades have you spent running away from saying a certain sentence?
What’s the conversation you wish you had with someone before they left, or passed away?
How many relationships could have started or ended?
How many misunderstandings could have been mended?
How many mistakes could have been avoided?
What have been your most expensive not-conversations?
I’m not saying these conversations are easy. But they’re often not nearly as bad as the scary story in your head. And the impact of not having them is worse.
Now, resist the impulse to ask “But how do I?” Don’t go there, not yet. You’re in a scary story, so recognize how the story tricks you and refuse to play by its rules.
If you truly want to have the conversation you haven’t been having, what you need is commitment, not a how-to. You simply need to choose to have the conversation, without knowing yet how to have the conversation. Decide that it will happen, it’s inevitable, no matter how scary and how you have no idea how to proceed: simply decide to proceed. And when you truly commit, you’ll know next step.
Michael McDonald
Transformational Coach
Leadership, Life Optimization, Intimacy and Enlightenment
authenticintegrity.com
P.S. If you’d like help having one of these life-changing conversations, hit me up for a conversation. (And I know that for some of you, that might be the conversation you’ve been avoiding!)
P.P.S. If you’d like to zoom out and reflect on your life as a whole, I recommend joining The Big Picture for a week of personal inquiry and reflection.